4 steps to turn limiting beliefs into something useful

Limiting beliefs can hold us back, both personally and professionally. But how can we break free from their grip? In Part I of this blogpost, we explored the power of both supporting and limiting beliefs. Now, let's dive into practical steps to overcome the latter.

Psychologists, life, sports and career coaches, counselors on the spiritual and religious side have grappled with this question. And to put it right out there: I am neither of them, sorry about that. What I can offer though are the following 4 steps I personally find effective to follow for myself and with our clients.

Step 1: Become aware of your beliefs

Check! You’ve already raised awareness for yourself by reading this blog post. We cannot know what we don’t know. So lucky are the ones who stumble across the concept of beliefs at some point or meet someone, who cares to share their knowledge about it. Maybe this someone will be you from now on and you can spot potentially limiting beliefs not only in yourself but also in others. Or you simply share this blogpost with someone you think might be interested.

What beliefs are and why our brain establishes them is easy to understand. Once their existence is known to people, they will naturally start watching out for their own’s.

Step 2: Identifying your beliefs

As described earlier, beliefs are assumptions we consider to be universal truths. They often come along as rather general statements, which have proven to apply in every scenario from our point of view. Sounds big, right? And it is.

Therefore, one way of identifying your own beliefs is asking exactly the big, rather general, sitting-by-the-bonfire kind of questions:

• What is true about how this world works?

• What and who is good and bad?

• Can other people be trusted?

• If you had to write a manual about yourself, what would it contain?

• What motivates you and what is standing in your way?

• What do you believe in?

• What are you good at and where do you fail?

• Which values and behaviors will be rewarded in this world and which won’t?

• Who gets to win and who gets to lose in this world? Which side are you on?

• What has your past told you?

• What are the standards you set for yourself and others?

• How important is winning?

• Is it okay to make mistakes?

• What has always been and always will be true about… (Insert: Family, success, careers, relationships, health, humans, business …)?

• What is your right and what is out of reach for you?

To bring in an example, allow me to circle back to my individual situation: As described in my first blogpost, you could summarize a few of the core beliefs, which were stressing me out at the time, with the following statement “In order to be a good and worthy person, I constantly have to do something to improve myself.”

Step 3: Reflecting on your beliefs

Once you have identified a belief, look at it very closely: What is this belief doing for you? Is it moving you closer to what you are truly looking for or is it rather holding you back? Is it giving or taking energy? Is this thought providing peace, motivation, warmth or simply a smile? Or does it make you move the corners of your mouth down a little and tighten your jaw? What would your world and your actions look like if you wouldn't hold this belief?

For those who dived into the world of personal development before, these questions might ring a bell: Byron Katie’s method “The work” uses similar questions. It is a tool, which often comes up in the context of working through stressful thoughts and since beliefs are also thoughts, nothing more and nothing less, I can only recommend using this method here, too.

To do that, according to Katie, you should challenge your thought with 4 questions:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do you react when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

In my example, I was so sure about my belief that I treated it as an unshakable truth about myself. Check, belief identified! 

Was it a limiting one though? Well, a while ago, this belief used to motivate me to not Netflix and chill all day but at this point in time it was simply wearing me out and weighing me down. It had become a limiting belief.

The conversation between me, myself and I went something like this:

• I believe, in order to be a good and worthy person, I constantly have to do something to improve myself. Is this true? 

  • Obviously it is. I already said I believe it.

• Is it really, universally true or might there also be conter-arguments?

  • Well, there is no scientific rule, no officially recognized definition of what a good person is or does. I cannot prove that my definition is correct.

  • I have been told before that I am worthy simply by being, without any doing. 

  • There might be a chance that I don’t need to do something constantly, maybe regularly would do for example.

  • There might be a chance that I don’t have to DO something at all. Maybe not doing something or reflecting or just being and breathing might also contribute to my goal of being a good person.

• How do you react when you believe that thought?

  • Right now, like a hamster in its wheel, I try to run faster and faster. I get caught up in self-improvement actionism instead of choosing my actions wisely and actually creating a positive impact on my environment and myself. 

• Who would you be without the thought? 

  • In the past, I might have been less ambitious and maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today but for sure I would also be less stressed and tired right now.

In a nutshell, I concluded that my belief had served me for some time but now had somehow turned into a false friend. I decided my goal wouldn´t be to get rid of this limiting belief but to tailor it into something useful again.

Step 4: Eliminate or “soften” limiting beliefs

You see, the dealing-with-limiting-belief-business is no science. It is no black and white, right or wrong kind of approach. There might be cases in which the steps I described above will help and there might be situations in which more thinking about your thoughts simply won’t do the trick. Sometimes external support will be needed. Please be mindful about this.

Also, becoming aware and reflecting on your beliefs and thoughts should be a support tool, not the door opener to constant self-doubt and confusion. No need to say, the concept needs to be applied very carefully with others. Even if we strongly disagree with other peoples beliefs, no matter if in private or work life: Declaring their convictions as limiting beliefs and thereby invalidating their perception will most likely come across as an offensive and invasive act. Misused like this, it will not change anything for the better.

I like to think of it as a gentle dance, a stretching exercise for my mind, which helps me be less rigid in my ways of thinking. Becoming aware of your beliefs and putting some work into them if needed is a form of self-care. Being more clear about what I believe in gives me purpose and strong roots. Scanning these beliefs for potential limiters opens new doors for me personally when taking important decisions or when a certain thought is bugging me over and over again. 

To find a way out of my personal little dilemma, I eventually turned my limiting belief into:

💬 How does this sound to you? Have you ever come across limiting beliefs in your private or professional life? What is your approach to finding and overcoming them? I strongly believe that sharing is caring, so please do let me know in the comments 👇